27th December 2007

I wrote this email to her on the 27th dec.. extremely early in the morning around 4am local time.. i really wanted to tell her this but i didnt have the guts to send this email to her.. it was written after i read this message that she've given to me written on the wrapper of the present that she gave me..

the message on the wrapper was like this..

Dearest benjamin,

it has been a really great time knowing you. Though this gift might be considered as a christmas present, it can be a "farewell gift". You must enjoy yourself studying over there at australia. I know you certainly very upset leaving your country, but it is a good for your future. Try to have fun and enjoy the stay there. I will make visit, haha (try to, depend on my parents) and you shall be my tourguide! I really wonder how long you will be studying there. Seriously, i'm very glad to hear that you will be wooing me when i'm 21. It is seriously very very sweet of you. I will look forward to that. 5 years time might have lots of changes, but never mind, you're always the very sweet, friendly and smart benjamin in my heart and mind. The entertainment that you sms is excellent! I always enjoy reading the messages. I will miss it and you. Please do take care. Be positive, stay well and especially sleep well. Just take care lots, work hard for your future. You can do it.

Love you,

Weishan 2007

______________________________

My message to her:

Dearest Weishan,
by the time you read this message from me, i'm already long gone in australia already..

Just want to say that i'm very sorry for being a coward all along..
Not having the guts to tell you how much you really meant to me
and how much you have impacted my life in many ways.

I will always look forward to each brand new day.
Because when i wake up, i can sms with you.
And each time i will wait eagerly for your next sms reply.
If you happen to reply late or at a slower timing, i'll tend to get worried.
And cant really concentrate on my things well.
Most of the times, i'll look back and read the past messages that you've sent me as well.
And often laugh to myself saying "Oh, what a joke i am.. but it's ok"
Now i'm glad to hear that you really enjoy reading my messages.

At times, i really hope that i really have the guts to really have a good conversation with you on the phone.
But i dont have the guts to. I'm sorry.

Honestly speaking, one reason why i really started to study for my Os is because of you.
I initially really wanted to give up totally on it and retake it next year.
But just by seeing you studying till late hours everyday just touched me.
It really motivates me to study.

I remember telling you just now earlier on in the zoo that my tears are already dried up,
that i'm dead to crying already and i'll never cry again.
Well, i broke that promise that i made to myself.
I cried. Upon reading the message that you wrote to me on the box
as well as seeing the monkey inside one of the presents.
I was really very touched by it.
Especially reading your sincerely written message really touched my heart.
You are the first girl I ever shed a tear for in my life

I really really really hope that you can actually be there to send me off.
But too bad you can't.
I really want to give you a big goodbye hug but I can’t.

Just want to let you know that i really meant what i say about wooing you when u are 21..
As well as the meaning of the roses that i gave you earlier on that You are someone special to me and I Love you.
I'll wait for you. Hope you are willing to give me that chance too.
Give me this time, to improve myself more.
From a boy to a man.