11 Months

Dearest Weishan
Indeed 11 months has passed since the day when I first tell you about my feelings for you.
And yes indeed, time has really fly past.
In a slight blink of an eye, 11 months has passed just like this.
What does this show me?
It just shows how busy we are with our own life and studies that time just fly past like this.

Yes 11 months has passed.
I’ve indeed ask myself tons of qns
Bout my feelings for you the past 11 months?
Have i given up on you before?
What am i thinking the past 11 months?
And of course many more..

And what are the answers to these questions?
Yes i have indeed thought of giving up on you before.
Because seriously at one point of a time, i felt like it was really painful to love someone like you.
Because you just don’t seems to care at all.
To me, from what i feel, it just seems like you do not even bother about my feelings at all
But that quarrel we had in Sept seems to be a turning point in our friendship and “relationship”
I feel the way you treated me after it happened, seems to change a lot.
I see yourself being more open to me, sharing with me more things than last time.
In the past, i remember that regardless of no matter what happens, u tend to keep everything inside
And you’ll always end up bursting at me, and i will just be down there, letting you being grumpy and being shot at.
But as time flies by,
i see you being able to control your emotions better.
I see that you are being more mature, especially when it comes to make decisions for yourself for your own future.
I see that you are being someone who is really caring, you may show u do not care, but in actual fact, you do care about people around you, just that you are just hard on the outside but soft on the inside.

I seriously want to apologise again..
Yes i know that you do not like to talk about negative past at all.
But i still have to bring this up..
I'm really very sorry for what happened in september..
Until today,
Somehow, i felt a small corner of mine inside of my heart feeling guilty towards that time..
Thinking of abandoning you..
Thinking about forgetting you..
It was something really ridiculous..

I'm seriously gonna look forward to our dates in december..
I wonder what do we have install for us for my this coming return?..
Let's make a meaningful one.

Love You,
Benben

Dearest Weishan,
A lot of indeed happened after we last have our last quarrel or cold war..
We’ve learnt how to treasure each other a lot more than usual..
I just have this feeling that we both realised how important each other is to each of us
We began telling each other that we love each other.. We miss each other..
But it became something that i’m so unsure of until now..
At times i wonder do u say it for the sake of saying it??
Or are you replying to whatever i’ve said to you??
Or do you actually mean it?..
I bet ya feel the same way as well to a certain extent..

I was glad that you actually consulted me on you transferring to poly nxt year..
And quitting innova..
Because to me, it seems that u do consider my opinion in ur actions..
And to me, like i said, no matter what decision u’ve made..
I’ll support you..
Because u just want to make some crucial decisions for yourself and try it out..
Which is a really good thing to do..

Recently, i was chatting on msn with one of ur very good friends..
And we exchanged blog url with each other..
I went to read hers..
And i realised that there's actually so much about you that i don't know of..
And instead of feeling surprised about it..
I was rather disappointed in myself..

I was thinking.. how am i gonna bring the fun and playful weishan out of her usual serious self that she portrays in front of me..
I just want to see that playfulness that u have inside of you..
The fun side of you..
Probably it's in me that i always bring up serious stuff and hence we talk about serious stuffs most of the time..
Or is it because of the pressure that i feel on the inside of me whenever i chat with u on msn or on the phone..
A lot of times, i just want to have a normal chat with you..
Find out how you’re doing and how has life been..
Most of the time when i call u on the phone, it's bcoz either one of us is not in good shape..

I wonder how will things be like nxt time..
But let's just take one step at a time eh =)

Anyway, i love you and i really miss you a lot..