21st July

Dear Weishan,
Soon, it's gonna be 7 mths since i've left singapore for australia already..
Time really flies eh..

Till today, i have to say something..
I still haven't change at all yet..
But i've actually realised that i've become a really better person..
More like a man now (haha)
Behaving more like a grown up, but still having tons of crap =.="

And i really take my hat off u..
Having that same old charm in you..
That Make me so madly in love with u for almost a year..
Time really flies..
Seriously, i still love u alot..

A lot of times, i really want to give up..
But just remembering what i said to u all these while really kept me going on..
I'm not gonna give up and fulfill my dream..

These past few weeks,
i've been chatting a lot with my friends..And they've been asking me all about you..
I am really excited to share how great u are to my friends..
But apparently,
they used to encourage me..
But now, they are discouraging me..
At first, i was really reluctant..
Really upset with what they told me..
They used to support me to wooing u..
But how come they are not now??..

Today, i've finally realised..
Seen the whole thing myself..
I'm sick and tired of this one sided love..
It's just about me loving you.. having this feelings for you..
U told me that u hardly forget anything that you say..
But me too, i have a really good memory..
Sad to say, but maybe you have forgotten about what u told me already..
About what u said during that time in may..
Telling me how much u miss me..
Telling me that if u still have feelings for me, u'll be with me nxt time..
But it seems like u are not showing it out..

Seriously now, my mind is in a total blank..
i really don't know what to do..
you may think that i'm just being really insecure..
But seriously speaking.. let me share with u something..
I can't bring myself to tell u or let you know about this..
But if i were to say out to you, u'll be put in the spot..
I won't allow u to be put in the spot by my friends bcoz of me and what u told me..
I'll protect u with all i can..
But...
I've decided..
that if you show now signs of feelings for me at all when i return..
That's it..
It's all over between me and you..
I'm really confuse now..

I really needed someone's opinion..
So i mentioned to 2 people about this prob i was having..
Apparently, she told me that i shld give up on u..
One of my bros as well, he told me, you are just playing with my feelings..
I got really upset with hearing this..
And reading what u type to me just really hurts me..
maybe lets say i don't understand u well enough??
are u saying those things on purpose???
Or are you just being honest and being ignorant and not knowing the consequences behind it all??
I feel like a frog in the well..
Really pain inside as well..
Both of my friends told me if i don't feel good, just cry..
But i told them this..
It's too painful for me to cry already..
Really too painful..
I've forgotten how to cry already??..

Am i the only one in the end just putting in all i can into this??
Or are u doing the same as well?

Am i just being stupid to wait for u foolishly??
Or are we actually waiting for each other..

I seriously wanna know..
hai....

I really want to spent more time with u..
Hope that u can give me time..
But when i'm overseas, u've already disappointed me time and again..
i may say it's ok..
but i'm hurt.. really hurt

talking to a few friends really make me learnt more about myself..
I used to think that others have bad impression of me..
but now, it seems like i'm being loved and supported and praised by everyone..
Telling me how good am i in each factor..
Telling me that i'm the perfect boyfriend..
Telling me how great i really am..
Telling me how much the want a guy like me..
But too bad i always disapoint them by saying i'm for someone already..
I am allowing u to be selfish..
Keeping me for u all by urself..
Bcoz i really love u
I really hope that you can learn to cherish me..
Just like how i've cherish u all this while..
I don't wish to lose someone like you one day..
could you bear to lose me one day too?

I just have to say this in conclusion..
I really love you.. Do you love me too??..
Can u at least hint me with something..??
or do you want to bring me down and make fun of me as much as u can before u can say anything??
I'm confused..
Or maybe i can say i don't know you well enough??..
Enlighten me can??

I have to be really honest with you now..
I really feel extremely broken..
I've known that you have told me some things about your feelings,
and i really feel that something is not right..
i just feel whether is it just me or do you mean it?..
i don't know who to trust now..

After today, no matter what happens after this..
Just remember this,
i'll always be there for you by your side
supporting u all the way thru..
I cherish every single moment i have with you..
talk to me if u need someone to talk to..
i'm always free..i can accompany u if u need someone to accompany you..
But if i'm around in singapore..
Will be there for you always.. =)

i'm all ready for ur answer..
No matter what it is..
I promised you that i'll be honest with u no matter what..
and i can like finally pour out my feelings for you..
After so long..

hope that i'll hear from you soon..
do take care k??..
Don't stone around again.. =)