Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
i was glad to hear your voice on that very afternoon..
finally, you picked up my phone call..
after 3 wks of losing contact..
although that phone call did not last for 30s..
But i was glad that i have that 30s of your time..
just to hear your voice really melts me down on the inside..
it really made me realise that i miss you more that i thought i did
i'm so sorry for not being able to express myself all this time..
i really want to tell you how much i miss you but i can't bring myself to tell you about it..
i really really look down on myself at times..
for not been able to behave like a man..
to have the guts to say that i miss you
to say that i love you..
i'm so sorry..
please forgive me..
if i ever have the chance again.. just to talk to you for another 30s..
the first few words that i want to tell you is
that i love you
and i miss you..
Sunday, February 3, 2008
31st Jan 3.06am
Dearest Weishan,
It’s been long since I send you an email already bah.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,
A lot about you and me.
I wasn’t able to sleep well for the past week.
I really thought about it for a long time on whether should I tell you or not.
But from what I feel, I feel that you have all rights to know about it.
It’s not about a relationship between you and me.
It’s not about the one-sided love between you and me
It’s about our friendship.
I don’t know what really made me felt thinking this way,
But I really thought about it a lot of times,
To terminate the friendship that we have.
I asked myself a lot of times before finally making my conclusion
Why am I feeling this way?
What makes me think about it?
How can I get rid of this kind of thinking?
Even though more than a month has passed,
But I’m still not used to not having your presence around me at all.
It seems the same feeling as not been able to feel my heart beat for a few seconds,
Like something crucial is really missing.
Where we could sms with each other all day and all night
With me entertaining you, concern about you
And you been entertained by me and my nonsense
I really really miss you a lot.
I wish you could be by my side now
Or just that little presence.
I had enough of those things coming out of my eyes.
It’s too much for me to bear everything.
I can’t take it anymore.
It’s torturing me very badly.
But too bad I don’t intend to let you even see this.
I don’t want you to worry.
I just want you to feel that I’m ok here
And I’m enjoying myself a lot
And studying hard here
One of my wishes,
Is to have you by my side as long as I could
Or even have you by my side now.
Just a second of it and I’ll be satisfied
I love you girl…=(
Do you feel the same way too?
I always wanted to know how you really feel
Towards me
If you’ve forgotten about me the past month,
Let me know,
I don’t’ mind
Just put my mind at ease
25th Jan
Dearest Weishan,
It has been a long time since I email you already eh.. haha..
So sorry that I didn’t.. I was extremely busy with so many things.. hehe..
Most things are in regards to application to my student visa as well as moving of my house.. haha..
Well, up till today, my student visa still haven’t been approved yet..
Hmm, but I just need my dad to sign one last document and my application is totally perfect.. hehe..
Sad mah?? Haha.. bcoz you can’t see or sms or chat with me for the next few years.. =X
It was an extremely tiring process for me,
I even went to the immigration, met an officer for like erm 4 to 5 times already and still it’s not approved.. but now, I’m smart.. haha.. asked and set an appointment before hand..
No need to queue up so long and get disappointing results..
Talking about results, I’m glad that you did well.. 17 for you R5.. It’s very good results..
Hope that was the desire marks that you wanted initially
Well, sorry for not been able to tell you my marks.. haha..
It was rather disappointing.. I didn’t get any A(s) at all, including my high hoped F&N where not a single soul got an A for it at all..
I got 4 B3s, 1 B4, 1 C6 and 1 D7.. I was really very surprised by the drastic improvement that I had.. hehe..
My english, chinese, f&n and Combined Humans got B3,
Maths with a B4
Combined Science was C6
And POA was D7..
When you told me just now that you would like to apply for PJC,
I was thinking about going to a JC as well..
I don’t know why but it just came to my mind.
I remember PJC came to me and offered me a deal of if I get R5 below 25, they would take me in, as long as I play badminton for them.. LOL… Kinda cool eh.. hehe..
But too bad I told straight to the teachers’ and senior’s face that “sorry, I’m an ITE boy:” LOL!!!
I still can’t believe that I told them that.. haha.. but I really did last time.. =.=
So I thought of maybe go join you at PJ?? Haha.. or go to RP?? Hehe..
But that’s only if I’m in
And let me share with you something,
One of the goals which I wrote on my goal setting card this year was to be the top student in my school for my course.. I just don’t know why but if God can make me make it to do this well for my O lvl, what more my studies here in Australia and doing something that I’m really good at.. Cooking..
OH YAR!! Talking about cooking, I haven’t tried yours yet and you haven’t tried mine either..
Too bad.. Remember I told you last time that I’ll be back in
Cost AU$1200 here.. but my mum told me that she can’t get it for me now.. but I understand the situation that she is in now..
In order to send me here to study.. my mum has to pay MINDEF in Singapore a bond of S$75,000..
Just to ensure that I go back for my NS in 2.5 years time after my course.. if not, the money goes to MINDEF and in my whole life, I can never step into singapore ever again.. And if I do, I’ll be arrested on the spot once I step into singapore..
And to raise that money, my mum is like having loan for more than 5 of her jie mei just to pay for the bond and my course here..
But don’t worry, I’ll be back for my army.. And after my NS, just wait.. I’ll be wooing you.. =X
After paying for the rent of my place here in Cloverdale, me and my mum’s boyfriend have been very broke.. We are daily surviving on eating bread with cheese or butter.. maggie mee, eggs or just biscuits only for all 3 meals.. But I don’t know why, despite no matter how little I eat here, my stomach seems to feel very full.. Maybe God fills it up with “spiritual food”..
I’ve also been training very hard in my badminton.. I want to be
Like what I told you, I used to think that I’m no good in badminton, no one ever notice that I can play badminton well.. But when I came here, it was like full of praises towards me..
Even my coach, he say that he have confidence that I’ll strive well in badminton and has been training me lot more than anyone around..
It’s like no one has ever told me those things before.. I feel my confidence has been building up a lot on badminton..
Somemore with your encouragement, I feel even better..
I even felt like I can play better.. Much better and steadier that I used to be..
Maybe it was something that I really lacked off all along..
It was people to see me.. tell me that they have confidence in me.. Giving me encouragement..
Monday, January 28, 2008
27th December 2007
the message on the wrapper was like this..
Dearest benjamin,
it has been a really great time knowing you. Though this gift might be considered as a christmas present, it can be a "farewell gift". You must enjoy yourself studying over there at
Love you,
Weishan 2007
______________________________
My message to her:
Dearest Weishan,
by the time you read this message from me, i'm already long gone in australia already..
Just want to say that i'm very sorry for being a coward all along..
Not having the guts to tell you how much you really meant to me
and how much you have impacted my life in many ways.
I will always look forward to each brand new day.
Because when i wake up, i can sms with you.
And each time i will wait eagerly for your next sms reply.
If you happen to reply late or at a slower timing, i'll tend to get worried.
And cant really concentrate on my things well.
Most of the times, i'll look back and read the past messages that you've sent me as well.
And often laugh to myself saying "Oh, what a joke i am.. but it's ok"
Now i'm glad to hear that you really enjoy reading my messages.
At times, i really hope that i really have the guts to really have a good conversation with you on the phone.
But i dont have the guts to. I'm sorry.
Honestly speaking, one reason why i really started to study for my Os is because of you.
I initially really wanted to give up totally on it and retake it next year.
But just by seeing you studying till late hours everyday just touched me.
It really motivates me to study.
I remember telling you just now earlier on in the zoo that my tears are already dried up,
that i'm dead to crying already and i'll never cry again.
Well, i broke that promise that i made to myself.
I cried. Upon reading the message that you wrote to me on the box
as well as seeing the monkey inside one of the presents.
I was really very touched by it.
Especially reading your sincerely written message really touched my heart.
You are the first girl I ever shed a tear for in my life
I really really really hope that you can actually be there to send me off.
But too bad you can't.
I really want to give you a big goodbye hug but I can’t.
Just want to let you know that i really meant what i say about wooing you when u are 21..
As well as the meaning of the roses that i gave you earlier on that You are someone special to me and I Love you.
I'll wait for you. Hope you are willing to give me that chance too.
Give me this time, to improve myself more.
From a boy to a man.
Intro
Today is the day where I create this blog..
http://to-my-dearest-weishan.blogspot.com
this blog is created for a very personal usuage..
I’m in love with one girl by the name of weishan..
There are so many things that I want to tell her but I can’t bring myself to tell her or let her know about it..
So I just created this personal blog to type out whatever I have to say to her..
Like a secret love diary of something like that..